Signs of trauma

Sometime in the 16 year abusive relationship I had lost hearing in my right ear.

it came out of nowhere and could have any cause…

I was going for eval on it this year, having gotten medical insurance, something I did not have for most of the relationship and when I did have it he made it near impossible to get medical care anyway.

The tests I underwent for my hearing loss included an MRI, where the tech asked me if I’d suffered brain damage.  The only thing I could reply with was “I don’t recall ever sustaining any” and was left feeling like maybe I had but couldn’t recall. I know some head trauma can come with a side of amnesia so I was left shaken and unsure, worried and frightened.  What if he had done something to me I had no memory of?

I had noticed holes in my short-term memory in the last 6 months… interestingly, I have left the abusive situation in mid January 2016 and it took over a full year for this to creep up on me.

I have always been a person that “knows what I know” and a lot of the abuse centered about him denying his own behaviors and making me doubt it happened or doubt myself.  These holes in my memory paired with the question “Did you suffer brain damage?” had me terribly worried these past few months.

I was left wondering if the abuse/trauma would lead me to becoming senile as I get older…

Today I came across an article that explains it.  Although I have no clue why it took this long to trigger… but then it took a trigger for the PTSD to kick in as well.

I am left wondering what other side effects of the abuse are waiting in the wings to ambush me.

That said, I hope this article sheds light on a few facts for you if you find yourself no longer able to recall certain things.

https://letmereach.com/2016/01/17/the-little-known-reasons-why-you-need-to-leave-the-narcissist-asap/

I am still left to wonder if the damage is reversible and if I can heal my brain somehow… this can’t be permanent.  I know the human body and minds have a great capacity to heal itself, so I refuse to give up and I will try to coax some sort of healing or reversal.  I refuse to accept it as final.

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