i often find myself wondering how we manage… we get wrapped around someone’s little finger and let them hurt us over and over until we either can’t stand it anymore or we wake up to the fact that it’ll never change.
hope can be a strong force for good but it can also be a strong counter-productive force that keeps us trying to wait out the pain until it becomes obvious that such hope is seriously misplaced.
Somehow we have tremendous inner-strength to rise from the ashes of what can only be referred to as an imposed form of slavery:
we get swept into an illusion of what life could be like and when that illusion is withdrawn we then are left with a staggering need to bring it back… or hope that somehow the person we fell in love with will return…and often, but not consistently and not permanently, the imaginary person we fell in love with, that character/role wielded to wrap us up and tangle us and confuse us in misplaced hope returns…just enough to keep us hoping…to keep us hanging on while all that is truly given to us despite the hope is pain and hurt and agony…we are devalued, impossible demands forced on us as we struggle to comply in hope that we’ll finally get it right and then everything will be fine…
there’s a strong mix of love, gullibility, blindness, confusion and most of all hope, as we get treated as virtual slaves with no need or rights of our own in the eye of our abuser. We get treated as useful items, as things owned, not as humans.
it’s a lot to ponder and a lot to digest.
I am gathering various sources of information to help others in their healing but i am weary of one source. It provides good information but if one is not cautious it is not without emotional cost/risk.
One would need a healthy dose of caution not to get swept up in it like we have been swept up off our feet by our abuser(s). I will think on it more before adding or not adding it to my blog but in any case it is likely you’ll find it on your own if you search.
My long silence, other then the search for resources and information to help others heal, has been due to exploration of my options for schooling versus jobs versus information and healing combined with a high amount of appointments to try to sort out what i can qualify for and what i cannot, as well as medical appointments.
once i get a clear idea what i got myself into… – because i refuse to keep going from dead end job to dead end job and ending up on welfare in between for the rest of my life… because…well i have my own reasons i will keep to myself for now. – then i will post a proper update…meanwhile a lot of questions and answers and soul searching and wanting to help others who have found themselves in similar situations to my own and have the willingness to heal and not be re-hoovered… those wanting to stop falling for the wrong people…ambitious i guess but why waste the lessons o my own suffering when i can help someone else?
keep an eye out for the posting of many online resources.